HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY TO ALL SURVIVORS OF DOMESTIC - A Beautiful Mess

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY TO ALL SURVIVORS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

If you?ve ever been a victim of domestic abuse or violence, chances are that ?Independence Day? takes on a whole new meaning. I know mine does. I spent a little time today on the website of the Nashville Police Department?s Domestic Violence Division. It?s weird that I never did that when I lived in the city and certainly not while I was in that relationship. I suppose in part because I didn?t want to accept the position I had found myself in and in part, due to the fact that I had my hand slapped, so to speak, when I did reach out to a national domestic violence hotline one day towards the end of my own abusive relationship. I still replay how the tone of the conversation changed when I said ?she?.

In the final months of revising and editing A Beautiful Mess: Confessions from the Second Closet, I often felt the walls closing in around me as I read the scenes unfolding while still being in the home that it happened. Starting over in a new place has been the best decision I?ve ever made. The decision was not made due to the events of Mess, but I certainly do feel a bit more secure with the undisclosed location that is several hundred miles away from that phase of my life.

I did want to share some information that I found on the police department website today regarding which symptoms fit into your life. I answered 6/7 questions on the assessment with ?yes?. I?ll never know what would?ve happened had I contacted the police department regarding Christine?s behavior as I navigated domestic abuse. Please do not make that same mistake if you answer just one question with yes. No matter how many times they apologize, their behavior will never change.

What symptoms below fit your life?
Using Emotional Abuse

• Putting the other person down
• Making the other person feel bad about themselves
• Calling the other person names
• Making the other person think they are crazy
• Playing mind games
• Humiliating the other person
• Making the other person feel guilty

Using Privileges

• Treating the other person like a servant
• Making all the big decisions
• Acting like the master of the castle
• Being the one who determines the roles

Using Economic Abuse

• Preventing the other person from getting or keeping a job
• Making the other person ask for money
• Giving the other person an allowance
• Taking the other person's money
• Not letting the other person know about or have access to family income

Using Coercion and Threats

• Making or carrying out threats to do something to hurt the other person
• Threatening to leave the other person, to commit suicide, report the other person to welfare
• Making the other person drop charges
• Making the other person do illegal things

Using Intimidation

• Making the other person afraid by using looks, gestures, or actions
• Smashing things
• Abusing pets
• Displaying weapons

Using Children

• Making the other person feel guilty about the children
• Using the children to relay messages
• Using visitation to harass the other person
• Threatening to take the children away

Using Isolation

• Controlling what the other person does, who they see and talk to, what's read, and where they go
• Limiting their outside involvement
• Using jealousy to justify actions

Minimizing, Denying, Blaming

• Making light of the abuse and not taking the other person's concerns about it seriously
• Saying the abuse never happened
• Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior
• Saying the other person caused it

HAS ANY OF THE FOLLOWING EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
Does your partner:

• Blame everyone else especially you, for his or her mistakes?
  Yes__X_ No___
  ?
• Prevent you from seeing your family or friends?
  Yes__X_ No___
  ?
• Curse you, say mean things, mock you or humiliate you?
  Yes_X__ No___
  ?
• Force you to have sex or force you to engage in sex that makes you feel uncomfortable?
  Yes___ No__X_
  ?
• Restrain, hit, punch, slap, or kick you?
  Yes_X__ No___
  ?
• Intimidate or threaten you?
  Yes__X_ No___
  ?
• Ever prevent you from leaving the house, getting a job, or continuing your education?
  Yes__X_ No___
  ?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship. The Domestic Violence Division of the Metropolitan Police Department can assist you in obtaining warrants, orders of protection and counseling.

Source: http://abeautifulmessnovel.blogspot.com/2011/07/happy-independence-day-to-all-survivors.html

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